I guarantee you've never read anything like this on the Internet. I could write a book about this topic, but more importantly, this is what I wish I'd read when I was going through it myself. Because dating was one of the hardest challenges I've ever faced.

If you're happily attached, this might not be for you unless you want to live vicariously through me. But if you're still single and frustrated with your dating life, read on. This is written from a guy's perspective, but the principles apply universally.

Days of Future Past

I started with dating apps. My pictures sucked, which meant no matches. Then I discovered Stable Diffusion in 2022 and trained it to generate better photos of myself. Overnight, my results skyrocketed.

I went on so many dates that I turned it into an experiment, iterating and refining my approach repeatedly. I figured out what to text, where to go, how to set the mood within the first five seconds of meeting, what to talk about, when to cut it short, how to build rapport, how to escalate, and how to follow up. You name it, I got it. At 22, I felt like the king of the world.

The Game Changed

By 2024, AI-generated photos became mainstream, and I lost my edge on dating apps. The problem shifted. Now it wasn't about what to do on dates, but how do I even get dates in the first place?

I'd been to nightclubs, but those were time-consuming and better suited for one-night stands which was fun but not what I wanted long term. A thought occurred to me: what's stopping me from talking to girls I find attractive during the day? At the gym, on the sidewalk, at the grocery store.

Oh that's right. OVERWHELMING FEAR.

Fear of rejection, fear of judgement, fear of ridicule. Despite having worked in sales, that didn't help at all. Cold approach sounds easy in your head until you try to do it.

Even Tim Ferriss, the world-famous podcaster who interviews celebrities and speaks live in front of thousands, has a video struggling with this. And this is with his friend's help. His friend Neil Strauss gives some advice in this video - some great, some questionable. (Don't get me started on his book though, I'll systematically dismantle everything in it and rip it to shreds.)

The only thing me and Tim Ferriss have in common

It looks simple until you actually attempt it. Seriously, try approaching someone you find attractive during the day and asking them out. It's literally mission impossible. I've never seen or heard anyone able to do this without being intoxicated, and even then it's a mess. I'll Venmo you $200 if you can.

Trial by Fire

Armed with determination and a mission, I decided to master this skill the best way I knew how: Total Immersion. I flew solo to Vegas and New York with one goal: master the cold approach.

It was my first time in those cities, so the plan was to go with my dates to explore them. What followed was probably the worst trip ever. I spent entire days battling nerves, standing around awkwardly, wondering when or how to make my move. When I finally mustered up the courage, the first attempts were brutal.

Cold approach, ignored.
Cold approach again, weird looks.
Cold approach again, "I have a boyfriend."

Rejection after rejection got into my head. My doubts, fears, and insecurities all started creeping up on me. Most rejections also gave zero feedback, so I had no idea what I was doing wrong.

I remember eating just one meal a day at buffets, too stressed to care about food. Halfway through eating, I'd think, "What am I doing here? I should be out talking to more people." Then I'd finish my plate and leave immediately. It was driving me crazy. The psychological warfare was entirely in my head.

Eventually, I got into a real conversation where she seemed interested. But I was so scared I cut it short and walked away like an idiot. I had prepared myself for rejection so thoroughly that when a positive response came, I didn't know how to react and rejected myself.

Then came my first successful date, which changed everything. For the first time, I could see this might actually work. But even as I secured a second, third, and fourth date, the battle continued. Each day was still a battle against my own mind.

I'd wake up with knots in my stomach, knowing I'd have to face rejection after rejection again. I walked 50,000+ steps per day, not just from cold approaches, but from pacing around, psyching myself up, walking away from conversations I was too scared to start, then circling back when I found the courage. The internal dialogue was relentless: "You're bothering people. You look desperate. She's going to think you're a creep."

Slowly, a shift happened. I started to see that it wasn't about where or how anymore, it was about when. When will my next opportunity come. When was I going to go on a date. It was all a matter of time before it happened. I made genuine connections with people I still keep in touch with today, but each one came at the cost of dozens of rejections and internal battles with my own insecurities.

It felt like the culmination of all my past experiences. Intense, compressed, mental.

Why Do This?

People complain all the time that modern dating is broken. I used to agree. Now I know you can turn it in your favor, and it's very doable if you're willing to push through the initial pain and put in the work. Part of my drive came from overcompensating for the social life I never had in college - movies and social media said it would just happen naturally, but it never did for me.

Cold approach turns the entire world into your playground. You're no longer limited to your social circle or the algorithm's whims. The bar is incredibly low because almost no one does this anymore, which works perfectly for you. These interactions are so rare that people remember them for months.

Cold approach is a learnable skill, like coding. You don't need special genetics like playing in the NBA. After thousands of approaches, luck still plays a part, but so much becomes controllable. This mindset of seeing dating as a skill and process is liberating. You stop blaming external factors and take ownership of your results.

I feel like society has sold us multiple lies about dating. As mimetic creatures, we follow cultural norms without questioning them. We're told that status, money, and looks are prerequisites for dating success, so we focus on achieving those first. Meanwhile, Hollywood and media sell us the fairy tale that the "one" will magically appear once we've "made it."

So you ignore dating, chase career success, accumulate wealth and recognition, thinking love will naturally follow. Then you achieve everything and still feel empty, or at best leave it up to luck.

There's little real guidance, because it's seen as taboo to talk about dating in this manner. I've dated as a short Asian guy with two digits in my bank account, and none of those prerequisites mattered. I'm not saying status and money don't help. If you have them, use every advantage you can get. I wish I had them. But if you don't, there's no excuse. If anything, the steeper challenge will sharpen your skills more than any crutch ever could.

I don't want to end up bitter at 40 because I'm single, trapped in a dysfunctional relationship, or cheating because I can't resist temptation from my lack of experience. I want to have a loving family with kids, knowing that I wholeheartedly choose my partner and want to spend my life with her. Not because she's the only option, but because she's the right one.

Cold approach gave me a counterpoint to all of this. Having this skillset allows you to relax about relationships. You know it's going to work out eventually, it's just up to you how far you want to push it. The skill extends far beyond dating too. You can then focus on building the career and life you truly want with no distractions.

There's also an unexpected confidence that comes with this. I feel much more confident around other ‘better’ people now, knowing they can't do what I can. I know firsthand how difficult this is from my own experience, and I've watched friends attempt watered-down versions of cold approach and struggle immensely. That knowledge gives you a quiet confidence in any social situation. You've done a hard thing most people are struggling with but will never attempt.

The Numbers Game

It's ultimately a numbers game. More approaches mean more opportunities. Of course, you should work on everything else, looks, career, personality to improve your odds. But you likely already have some form of that. What's lacking is talking to people.

Here's the key insight: most of the interactions are decided before you say a word. She's attached. She's not interested. You're not her type. Her goldfish died that morning. A thousand reasons why it won't work. All out of your control.

What can you control? Whether you choose to cold approach, and how you handle it. The confidence, the conversation, the connection. Rejection is mostly predetermined, it's not personal. Just keep showing up and going after it.

Once you truly understand and internalize the numbers game, you'll come to appreciate rejection. Every "no" brings you closer to a "yes." Faster rejections equal more time to meet other potential partners. The process stops being about seeking acceptance and becomes about finding the right match. You want to filter people through interactions and move forward. Cold approach cannot be scaled or outsourced unlike online dating, so time is the biggest resource you MUST guard.

Confronting Yourself, Excuses, and Fear

You will be forced to confront every single one of your problems. Straight up. There's no hiding from it. Your lack of confidence, your insecurities, your fears. They all surface when you put yourself through this repeatedly.

Other areas of life might let you mask these issues or work around them. Cold approach strips all that away. You're standing there, completely exposed, with nothing but yourself.

If you try this, you'll invent a million excuses each time:

"I'm too introverted."
"I'm too sweaty from the gym."
"She's out of my league."
"What if her boyfriend comes over and beats me up?"
"She's not in a convenient location."

You'll always have excuses. The key is recognizing that everything stopping you from doing the work is just that: an excuse. You just gotta bat through that shit.

I've approached women when their boyfriends were nearby. Most actually appreciate the respectful compliment you've given their girlfriend. One time it was pouring rain, I was soaked in my leather jacket, and I literally ran across the street to approach someone who was about to enter her apartment building. We ended up going on an impromptu date to a nearby bar, and several more dates after that.

You'll also always have to confront fear. But courage isn't the absence of fear, it's acting despite it. I still feel fear every time I cold approach, but the hurdle has become so small that it appears smooth and spontaneous.

Don't worry about judgement either. Everyone's focused on themselves. When you approach that hot lady, you'll soon realize that she's more concerned about whether her hair looks perfect rather than about you.

Handling Rejection

Don't take it personally, it's the price of playing the game. The majority of your interactions will end in rejection. At first, people will reject you. Later, as you go out on more dates, you realize that you're incompatible with some of these people, so you learn to screen them out in the initial cold approach, leading to even more rejection.

People who are mean or have negative reactions are usually in a bad place themselves. They project outwards what their internal mental state is, and I'm sure you've experienced it personally. So if someone reacts very negatively, just remember this and move on. I dated some of them and learnt this the hard way. When rejection gets into your head, and emotions start taking over, which it will at some point, stop. Take a break and reset. DO NOT continue and spread negativity. It's bad for you and bad for whoever you're talking to.

My biggest learning is that rejection always hurts you a little. You just get numb to it quicker. But you know what's worse? The pain of regret. That will haunt you far longer. I can't recall most rejections, but I do remember the times I was too scared to talk to someone and regretted it. Those are the moments that replay in your mind for a long time.

You don't get infinite takes like in the movies to redo a scene with the same person. But you do get infinite tries with different people. The whole world could reject you a billion times over, but it doesn't matter. All you need is one "yes" from the right person.

Cold Approach Today

Now, I keep it simple with a direct compliment. It accomplishes two things: shows interest and makes the other person feel good. Even if they reject me, they leave the conversation in higher spirits. Of course, you're always trying to get a good outcome, but I genuinely love it when it makes people smile, even if it doesn't end up going anywhere.

Then I focus on everyone's favorite topic: themselves. It's never about you in the interaction. Be curious and have fun. Ask questions. Build rapport around commonalities. Some people love talking, in which case great, you don't have to do much work. But if they're not talking much you have to fill the space. You'll develop a feel for what each situation needs.

This changed how I see people too. Interacting with models or executives who seem untouchable reminds me that they're human, with feelings, flaws, desires. Just like the rest of us. Cold approach taught me that no one is truly untouchable, and that realization is incredibly empowering.

Final Thoughts

This is my story with dating: fear, rejection, and growth. Fast forward to today, it's far from the psychological warfare I used to fight, and I have a much brighter outlook on life.

If you decide to go on this path and are struggling, know that it will work out eventually. Push through the pain, embrace the rejections, and know that every approach will get you closer to where you want to be.